Unshed Tears
by missamy-lm
Summary: Set after F.P.S., Bobby and Alex pour out their hearts... BA of course:


A/N: Hey all! This is a little fic that came to me after watching a taped ep. of Criminal Intent. Set after F.P.S. (HOOKER-TRY-HARDS! He he go Emmzy u rock mah baby love u!)

Disclaimer: Don't own anything! 'Cept my phone… I love my phone… And lamp… I love lamp… (anyone who's seen Anchorman will find that last quote fairly funny, otherwise you'll have no idea what the hell I'm talking about and think I'm a drunk... which I am...)

Alex Eames sighed, as she put her phone down on the small table next to her bed. She glanced over to her family, who were all crowded around her new nephew, Jarred Michael. She smiled weakly to herself, and rolled over, her back towards the Eames'. She just sent a message to Bobby.

"Bobby, he's fine, 7lbs 8oz. Alex"

She was kicking herself for sending him a message at all. Why couldn't she have asked a family member to do it for her? She sighed, and felt like punching herself. Her phone rang, and she picked it up, looking at the caller I.D. Smiling softly to herself, she answered.

"Hey…"

"Did I wake you?"

"No, you didn't. You rang me very quickly."

"I know. Sorry, but I just needed to know if you were okay. So, are you?"

She paused. No, she wasn't alright, but he was clearly worried about her, and telling him that she wasn't okay, would make matters worse.

"Bobby, I'm fine, okay?"

"Eames, I'm just worried alright? Isn't your own partner allowed to be worried about you?"

"I guess not…"

"Well, I'll let you go… Bye." And he hung up. Alex felt a lump rising in her throat, but swallowed hard, trying to rid herself of the tears that were coming.

"Calm down, Alex… Calm down…"

Two days later, Alex was home from the hospital, glad to be out of there. She was just about to sit down and watch a video when there was a knock at her door. She got up carefully, and went to the door, and opened it, to reveal her partner, drenching wet. She stepped back, and smiled at him.

"Are you just going to stand there and ruin my door mat?" She asked him, a grin on her face. He smiled weakly back at her, and stepped inside, taking off his coat, and hanging it up. Alex closed the door gently, not wanting to wake her neighbours.

"What's so important that you decided to come around at eleven at night?" She asked, sitting on the couch.

"I shouldn't have come Alex… I'm sorry… You're tired." He whispered, turning to walk back out the door. She stood up, and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Stay…" That one word was all he needed to hear. He turned back around, and sat down, head in his hands.

"What's wrong?" She asked gently, sitting next to him.

"Nothing, Alex… Don't worry yourself with it. I just wanted to see for myself that you were really okay."

"Bobby, something's wrong… Please tell me…" She whispered. "C'mon, something has to be wrong… You're calling me by my first name. You never do that."

"Is it illegal for me to use your first name?"

"No, you just never use it."

"Damn you, observant little bitch."

"Bastard… Show up here and mope around. Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"No way in hell, Alex."

"Fine, go home then." She stood up and walked to the kitchen, steadying herself on the bench. She felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist, and she turned around.

"Are you sure you want to know what's wrong?" Bobby asked, and Alex could see the fear in his eyes. She rested her head on his chest, and sighed.

"Of course I want to know…" She whispered, wrapping her arms around him tightly, reassuring him that she was there for him. She looked up, tears forming in her eyes. It must be serious, she thought. Swallowing hard, she maneuvered them towards the couch, and sat down. She felt his grip tighten on her hands, and she stroked them gently.

"She didn't understand…" He finally choked out.

"Who didn't understand?"

"She didn't know who I was talking about… You would have known… I was so angry at you, so angry… Thinking that you hated me, and that was why you left. Couldn't take it anymore!"

"Bobby, calm down… Who didn't understand?" Alex said gently, looking in his eyes, searching for the answer.

"Bishop… Didn't know what I was talking about… Needed you…" God, she felt so guilty. She pulled him into a tight hug, and rubbed his back soothingly.

"I'm here now, Bobby… And I promise that I'm not going anywhere." Alex whispered, and dropped a light kiss on his forehead, lingering for a moment. He pulled her closer, not loosening his grip on her. She smiled softly, and snuggled into him, feeling perfectly safe for once in her life.

Alex woke up from quite possibly the greatest sleep she had even gotten. She rubbed her eyes, and realized she was still in Bobby's arms. She smiled to herself, and curled back up, snuggling back into his embrace. His arms tightened around her waist, and she flinched, still feeling pain from the birth. She felt his lips press against the top of her head, lingering for a moment longer than was professional. She looked up at him, and smiled weakly, placing a hand on her stomach. She felt an amount of emptiness, and heard a small sob escape her mouth. She pulled away from Bobby quickly, and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and sitting behind it.

She finally let all those tears she had been holding back flow free, ignoring Bobby's pleas to let him in. Alex sobbed uncontrollably into her arms, asking why she had the baby in the first place. It was all for Danielle, she kept telling herself. At that moment, she hated her baby sister with every ounce of herself. She kept muttering 'I hate her…' under her breath, rocking back and forward, trying to calm herself down. She felt the door pushing against her back, and she screamed out to Bobby.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" and started to sob again. She heard him sit down against the door, and she let him push it open slightly.

"Alex, don't do this to yourself…" He begged. She noticed fear, and worry in his voice. She sobbed harder.

"You don't understand, Bobby…" She whispered back through the gap in the door.

"Help me understand then, Alex… Please stop shutting me out." He whispered back. She wiped at her eyes, stood up and opened the door. He stood up, and pulled her into a tight hug, rubbing soothing circles on her back. She started to cry again, and he just pulled her closer. After a few minutes, she had calmed down considerably, and the pair were sitting on her couch, wrapped in each others arms. Bobby had his fingers tangled in her hair, and Alex had her head resting lightly on his chest, listening intently to his breathing.

"You ready to talk?" He whispered into her hair, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. She nodded, and swallowed hard, preparing to empty her heart to this man. The man she loved in silence. She shifted into a more comfortable position, and started to speak.

"I… I feel like I made a mistake, having the baby for Dani. I keep telling myself that it was the right thing to do, but I feel so empty. I carried Jarred inside of me for just over nine months. He was a part of me, you know? And handing him over to her was the hardest thing I have ever done." She sighed, and he tightened his grip on her, motioning for her to continue.

"Do you know who I kept begging for when I was in labor?" she asked, looking up at him. He shook his head.

"Who?"

"You…" She whispered, suddenly finding her hands extremely interesting. He placed a finger under her chin and pulled her head gently towards him.

"I'm sorry… That was totally inappropriate of me. Inappropriate and selfish." She whispered, tears in her eyes.

"Don't be sorry… And it's not inappropriate, or selfish, of you to have said that." He replied, wiping her tears away. She moved closer to him, and sighed.

"I kept begging them to call you, and no-one left the room. I felt like the only reason I was even there is because I was having the baby, and they didn't actually care about me, just this life that I was bringing into the world." She closed her eyes to stop more tears escaping her. "Has anyone told you what happened in there?" She asked quietly, so quietly, that he had to strain to hear her.

"No, what happened? I mean, if you want to talk about it." He said, feeling her grip on him tighten. She swallowed hard, and brushed the hair out of her eyes, moving closer to him.

"I… oh god…" She whispered, tears rolling down her face. "I almost didn't…" She finally let the tears run free, sobbing into his shirt once more.

"You didn't what?" He asked her gently. Bobby didn't really want her to go on in the state she was in, but now that he knew that something may have gone wrong, he needed to know what happened.

"Make it…" She mumbled, tears rolling down her cheeks. He sighed and stroked her hair.

"But you did, didn't you?"

"I can't answer that. I mean, sure, physically I did, but I don't know about mentally just yet."

"I never expected you to be okay."

"Promise me something?"

"Anything…"

"Never leave…"

He smiled, and kissed her forehead. She held onto him, and smiled.

"I never planned to. I love you, Alexandra Eames." Alex smiled, and blushed, looking down at her hands.

"I love you too, Bobby…"

A/N: Hope you liked it! Love yaz all! Love from your oh so very shexay lord and master, Amzy, a.k.a. Da-Sexy-Crunchie!

PS: Use that little purple button… It makes me happy… very happy…


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